Last Will and Temperament- Ecchi version
by Reanna R. King
Summary: Touga has died and left behind a very strange will... here's the ecchi version, a slight... variation on the previous fic!


Last Will and Temperament (Ecchi Version)  
  
by Reanna King  
  
(based on the skit by The Frantics)  
  
Notes: I couldn't resist. It just seemed to work. Flame me if you like, because I deserve it for taking three half-ass minutes to create an ecchi version of the previous fic. To everyone else, I hope you find this amusing...  
  
(Seated in the white couches in the observatory sit AKIO, SAIONJI, NANAMI, JURI, UTENA, ANSHII AND MIKI. AKIO is holding a piece of paper)  
  
AKIO: With the death of Kiryuu Touga comes many levels of grief for all of us, but I have been empowered to read his last will and testament.  
  
SAIONJI: Well, get on with it...  
  
NANAMI: Oh, my poor Onii-sama! [wails]  
  
UTENA: Oh, there there, Nanami...  
  
ANSHII: I never knew a kinder man.  
  
AKIO: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading.  
  
UTENA: [bored] Of course...  
  
SAIONJI: [grumbles]  
  
AKIO: I, Kiryuu Touga, being of sound mind and body--  
  
SAIONJI: That's a laugh. [laughs]  
  
AKIO: --Do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows: To my clinging sister, Nanami...  
  
NANAMI: (wails)  
  
MIKI: Nanami, I think he's talking about you...  
  
NANAMI: Oh.  
  
AKIO: Who clung to me like a leech... swarming with her annoying cronies all over me, day after day...  
  
NANAMI: Wha...?  
  
AKIO: To Nanami I leave... a ****.  
  
NANAMI: A what?!  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
NANAMI: AAHHH!!  
  
MIKI: Nanami, are you okay?  
  
AKIO: And to Miki Kaoru, my wise and intelligent companion...  
  
MIKI: Huh?  
  
AKIO: A withering, wimpy wad incapable of making his own decisions... I leave a ****.  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
MIKI: GYAAH!!  
  
(SAIONJI laughs)  
  
NANAMI: This is an outrage!  
  
AKIO: But still, you are my sister... you have admired my place as Student Council President, and since I am no longer living...  
  
NANAMI: Oh, my Onii-sama is so kind!  
  
AKIO: I bequeath another ****.  
  
NANAMI: What?  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
NANAMI: YAAAAH!  
  
(SAIONJI laughs)  
  
AKIO: And one more for Miki.  
  
MIKI: Eep...  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
MIKI: EEEEEK!  
  
AKIO: Next, to my dear friend, Saionji Kyouichi...  
  
SAIONJI: Hey, I don't want a ****.  
  
AKIO: To dear Saionji, who's been a jerk and a delusional asshole for most of the years I've known him...  
  
SAIONJI: Uh, I really gotta go...  
  
AKIO: I leave my favorite kendo sword and my best kendo uniform.  
  
SAIONJI: Really?  
  
AKIO: And a ****.  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
SAIONJI: AUUGHHH!!!  
  
AKIO: And another for Nanami and Miki!  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
NANAMI: HEY!!  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
MIKI: WAAAUUGHHH!!  
  
AKIO: Next, to my friend Tenjou Utena... whom I have long desired from the bottom of my heart...  
  
UTENA: This is so predictable...  
  
AKIO: I leave a ****.  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
UTENA: UGH!! I knew it...  
  
AKIO: And one for Nanami and Miki.  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
NANAMI: YYAHHH!!  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
MIKI: WAAAHHH!  
  
AKIO: And now to Himemiya Anshii...  
  
ANSHII: Oh... Kiryuu-sempai is so kind... I don't want anything, really...  
  
AKIO: Who's been a kind friend to everyone... Who's served faithfully as the Rose Bride for all this time...  
  
ANSHII: Oh, I didn't mind...  
  
AKIO: To Himemiya Anshii I bequeath... a ****.  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
ANSHII: GAAHH!  
  
AKIO: And one for Nanami and Miki.  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
NANAMI: YEEEK!  
  
(UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS)  
  
MIKI: AAAHHH!  
  
AKIO: And so, to my colleague Juri, I leave my entire vast... ****.  
  
JURI: GAAAH!! BASTARD!  
  
AKIO: And finally, to Ohtori Akio, who has helped me on this will... I leave not a ****, but a rabid tasmanian devil... to be placed in his trousers... OOH AHH!!! And I leave my entire estate to the people of Ohtori, so they can all afford to go somewhere decent!  
  
MIKI: Is that it?  
  
UTENA: That's all?  
  
SAIONJI: That's disgraceful!  
  
AKIO: There's one last thing for everyone.  
  
SAIONJI: Cover up your heads, everyone.  
  
AKIO: I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream.  
  
MIKI: Ice cream?  
  
SAIONJI: Ice cream?  
  
UTENA: Ice cream... that's all?  
  
AKIO: That's all.  
  
ANSHII: What flavor is it?  
  
AKIO: ****!  
  
(SEVERAL UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS FOLLOW) 


End file.
